Another new year? Slow down!

When an old year ends and a new one begins, I have often written a summary of the previous year and/or a list of hopes or goals for the new year. In 2010 I reached a milestone, one of those birthdays with a zero on the end (I'm a very youthful 60), and now it seems as if all those years are zooming by so fast that I barely have time to write about one before the next one is colliding with it. 2011? Really? I'm not done with 2009 yet!

2010 started out with my daughter becoming engaged to her long-time boyfriend. (He proposed on December 31, 2009. It was very romantic, based on the pictures he put up on Facebook.) A lot of 2010 was filled with planning the wedding, to be held this March. For the most part, this has been a positive experience. But the fact that I am not exactly amicably divorced from her father has caused a little stress for both her and me. I wish I knew how to fix this.

During 2010, I didn't have a single date. I didn't flirt with any guys. I didn't even have a pleasant conversation with an eligible man (for me, that means single, in my age bracket, and employed). All the men I know are married or gay (or possibly both, this being Massachusetts). I just wish I had a male friend to go out with from time to time. I have no desire to get married again. I took down my personal ads after meeting too many unemployed guys who were only looking for somebody to sponge off of or lure into bed.

During 2010, though, I did go on vacation twice. In June my sons included me in their week at their father's family summer cottage on the shore of a lake in New Hampshire. I'd been there many times over the 24 years I was with their father, and I was glad to get a chance to go back without him. We brought my two cats. The older one, Peaches, had been there a few times before, back in the late 90's. I couldn't tell if he remembered it. The younger cat, Zoe, fell in love with the screened-in porch, where she could chatter at chipmunks and birds to her heart's content.

In August, I spent a week in South Harwich, Cape Cod. I blogged about it while I was there, so I don't have to talk about it now. I still want to retire to the Cape someday. No, that's not quite true: What I really want is to be rich enough to own property there and in the Boston area, and split my time between the houses. That's what daydreams are for.

It's hard to come up with any more positives. I didn't finish NaNoWriMo this year (after 4 wins) because I chose a very dark subject matter (The Apocalypse in Boston!) and writing about it was draining. Besides, my daughter and her fiancé were here for a week, and we were busy with wedding-related things.

I played Antidepressant Roulette for too long, starting in August of 2009 and still continuing today. After I decided I'd had enough of the Crazy Pill Lady in December 2009, it took me several months to learn that there was nobody else in that practice who would see me. (Long story. I hear the Crazy Pill Lady lost her job, so apparently I wasn't the only one she misdiagnosed.) I went to my Primary Care doctor, and she referred me to another agency. They assigned me to a psychiatrist who retired six months later. Then they placed me with somebody else. He's got me on Celexa, which I started right before Thanksgiving. I have no idea how well it's working. I'm very high-functioning anyway, so getting through the holidays could have been just a coincidence. I figure I'll know how successful I've been when I finally get asked out on a date again. By an employed single guy in my age bracket. Sigh.

My mom is getting older, just like me. She's 86, and has a hip that badly needs replacing, and needs to be in assisted living. Most of the burden of her care falls on my sister, who lives nearby. I just feel guilty. The hip replacement is scheduled for the end of this month. Assisted living is sure to follow. My sister has found a place for her. They'll even let her keep her cat.

So, 2011 has major changes in store for my family: My daughter's wedding, my mother's surgery and her move to assisted living. As for me? I just hope to be able to get through it all.

Large and In Love?

So CBS has decided to feature a large-size couple in their new show "Mike and Molly". I wasn't sure where they were going to go with this. Is it going to be one massive fat joke, or will watching it be a healing experience, the way watching "Huge" was all summer? "Huge", on ABC Family, featured a group of large-size teens at fat camp, and was touching, funny, and remarkably liberating for me. The teens were allowed to be real kids, not merely fat jokes. It is one of the best shows I've ever watched, and I'm anxiously awaiting Season 2 (which may or may not happen).

Anyway, I taped "Mike and Molly" Monday night and watched it last night. The main characters are introduced as going about their lives trying to lose weight: Mike, a cop, is eating a plain unadorned hot dog while his partner chows down on an actual plate of food. Molly is on a treadmill of some sort (I don't know exercise machines; I'm sure this one has a name, but all I know is that she was walking on it), and her scrawny mother and skinny sister delight in eating chocolate cake in front of her. Okay. This all rings true. Some people can eat anything and stay thin. Some of us can walk for hours and stick to our diets and struggle to lose an ounce.

Then, Mike and Molly "meet cute" (as all the reviews have been sure to note) at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. One of my friends met her husband at an OA meeting, so I was kind of tickled by this concept. Mike's cop partner Carl attends the meeting with him. Molly's thin but apparently drug-addled sister Victoria comes with her. Why? I have no idea. Mike's last name turns out to be Biggs. How much of a fat joke is that? I wish they'd chosen a better last name for him, something neutral, instead of something that lends itself to so many digs at his size. Anyway, the first irritating fat joke that I remember comes up when two large people are walking upstairs next to each other and meet somebody coming down. The two large people completely block the stairwell. Real life? One of the fat people would have moved behind the other. For the purposes of the TV show, though, they made them stand side by side. I could have done without that. It added nothing to the show.

Well, Mike is too shy to ask Molly out, even though she's clearly interested in him. Carl eggs him on without making any references to his or her size, which I liked. I would have probably gotten counseled by my mother: "You might as well go out with him. Who else will want to date you at your size?" (This frequent occurrence goes a long way towards explaining why I married the wrong man...) She invites him to speak to her fourth-grade students, which he does, with mixed results. At the next OA meeting, he works up his courage to ask her out, doing so while leaning on a table, which collapses at an inopportune moment. Another fat joke I could have done without - the Collapsing Furniture. Guess what? We fat people rarely break furniture. The last thing that should be done on a fat-positive show is to have a main character break furniture because of his size.

Anyway, Molly's house is robbed, and Mike finally asks her out while taking a police report. Sort of cute for a socially awkward guy no matter what his size.

I'm writing this the next day, and I'm not rewatching the show as I do it, so I know I missed things. My feeling at the end was that it could develop into something better as it goes along, but the pilot was not that good.

Dancing With The - What, Now?

I'm not a regular viewer of "Dancing with the Stars". So far, I seem to have only watched seasons in which Olympic skaters were dancing - the first season I watched had Apolo Anton Ohno (he won), the second Kristi Yamaguchi (she won, too), and the third Evan Lysacek (he didn't). I'll admit, I love to watch any ice skating event the Olympics has to offer. Evan's season was the most recent season. They had some questionable "stars" on then, too - Kate Gosselin?! "The Bachelor" Jake Pavelka?! Anyway, I had heard a few rumors about who might be on the show this season, and I'll admit I was a little curious.

Not curious enough to watch "Bachelor Pad", though, where the DWTS "stars" were announced last night. So I didn't find out who was actually going to be on the show until this morning. And now I know for sure that "Stars" should be replaced with "Z-Listers, Has-Beens, and the Truly Infamous."

Let's start with Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, from that train-wreck of a show "Jersey Shore". He thinks he's a star, but he's not - he's a sickening joke. I resent that they validated his inflated view of himself by asking him to be on this show. Harrumph. Truly Infamous.

Then there's Bristol Palin, most famous for having a baby out of wedlock. Being the daughter of a politician doesn't make her a star. She has no more right to be on that show than Kate Gosselin did. Somewhere between Z-Lister and Truly Infamous.

David Hasselhoff falls squarely into the "Has-Been" category. They should have asked his beautiful daughter, Hayley, who has been so entertaining in "Huge" this season.

Florence Henderson? Mom to the Brady Bunch? Has-Been. This season's Cloris Leachman. (oops, I must have watched another season if I remember Cloris - was there a skater on then?)

Michael Bolton?! Oh my effing Gawd! I used to love him in about 1990. Definitely a Has-Been.

There are the obligatory sports stars, who are completely unfamiliar to me. Rick Fox, a retired LA Laker, and Kurt Warner, "retired NFL quarterback" (which tells me nothing. He didn't play for the Patriots, so I never heard of him.)

Singer Brandy Norwood is going to be on. She's sort of a star, I guess. I used to love her on "Moesha" (a show my daughter loved back in the 90's).

I'm not sure who Audrina Patridge is, either. I never watched "The Hills", I'm happy to say.

I'll give Margaret Cho credit for being a current star. And maybe Jennifer Grey, who is at least still on TV. I never heard of Kyle Massey, but that's because he's on "That's So Raven", and I don't have any tweener daughters any more.

So am I going to watch this season? Oh, probably, at least at the beginning. I want to watch The Situation make a fool of himself.

Cape Cod vacation, part 5: Back Home

The last time I wrote, last Wednesday, I was uncertain about going to the beach. Well, I did end up going, and it was just as windy as it had been on Tuesday. But the tide was higher, and I decided to go swimming anyway. I had a great time in the water, jumping waves the way I used to when I was a kid. I took a picture of the seagulls sitting on the beach in front of the lifeguard's station, all facing into the wind. I thought it was funny to see a beach full of seagulls instead of sunbathers.

Thursday I met my sister and my niece at Dunbar Tea Room in Sandwich. We had tea and curried chicken salad. It had been raining, and the humidity was intense. We visited a "magical" gift shop, Lavender Moon, which was fun. My older son was on his way down to the Cape by then, so I returned home. It took him the same 3+ hours to get there as it had taken me the previous Saturday. Traffic. Grrr.

Once he arrived, we played Lexulous while we waited for my younger son, who was working until 9. We got sandwiches from the Box Office Cafe for supper. Finally, at around 10, we called my younger son, who grumpily said he had to work Friday morning. I wonder when he was planning to tell us...

Friday morning we had breakfast at (yes, again) the Box Office Cafe. It was very humid again, although not as windy as it had been. We decided we needed to go for a ride in an air-conditioned car, so we headed up to Orleans. We located the Old Jailhouse Tavern, a place my parents loved to go when my kids were small. I wasn't sure it was still there, but it was, although we had to resort to my son's GPS to find it. We decided to have lunch there. It wasn't very crowded, so I wasn't expecting it to be as good as I remembered. But I enjoyed it.

After that we visited Earth House, the aging-hippie Mecca that I love to go to. I took pictures of the minerals to show my daughter, who is getting married in March to another geologist - they plan to incorporate minerals into their centerpieces. I also bought a sodalite heart, which I added to the other odds and ends I carry in my pocketbook - snowflake obsidian in my wallet, because somebody told me once I'd never go broke if I carried it there; rose quartz, because it's supposed to attract love, even though by now it's pretty clear it isn't working; a cowrie shell just because a woman I didn't know gave it to me at a time when I really needed something to hold onto. Here's what sodalite is supposed to do:

Sodalite helps one to arrive at logical conclusions via a rational mental process by eliminating confusion and stimulating the intellect. It helps one to find a direction of purpose with lightness of heart. It provides for solidarity, fellowship, and commonality of good and purpose within a group. Sodalite encourages self-esteem and self-trust, as well as companionship and trust in others. It helps one to recognize and actualize one's true feelings.

(At least that's what I think it says on the paper that was with the more expensive heart I didn't buy. I took a picture of it, but it isn't in focus.)

Anyway, I could really use help with my rational mental process, confusion, etc., not to mention self-esteem and self-trust.

My younger son finally arrived at about 4:30. He and I promptly went to the beach; older son sat at home on the couch, being lazy. We had a great time in the water. The waves weren't as big as they'd been on the windiest days, but they were still a lot of fun to play in.

We ordered pizza from (guess where!) the Box Office Cafe for supper. Yum! A Usual Suspects and a Pineapple Express.

Saturday we had to be out of the rental by 10 a.m. We made it by 9:45. After I dropped off the keys at the realtor's, we drove past the Chatham lighthouse the way we do every year. We couldn't find a parking place, though. Was everybody looking for sharks? So we headed up towards Orleans, through Pleasant Bay. Lovely scenery. Oh, and of course the weather was perfect, on the day we had to leave. We visited Earth House again (younger son wanted to go, too) and this time I bought a shirt that I hadn't seen the day before.

We were in three cars, so we headed home. Since the Seafood Sam's in Harwich Port had closed, we decided to have lunch at the one in Sandwich. It turns out to be close to the Cape Cod Bay end of the Cape Cod Canal. Younger son had to dash off to work, but older son and I walked out to the end of the canal after lunch. I took a lot of pictures.

Anyway, I'm home now. I just wanted to wind up the blog.

Cape Cod vacation, part 4: Windy

Yesterday was a very windy day. When I finally went down to the beach in the middle of the afternoon, it was practically deserted, and I found out why as soon as I stepped out of my car. No, not the sharks which are offshore not too far from here. It was the sand. The wind was driving a fine mist of sand into everything in its path. A lot of the sand looked smooth, with all the footprints erased, from the relentlessness of the wind.

And the water was rough. Three-foot waves, which might not be much in other parts of the world, but are significant in Nantucket Sound. I stood on the shore for some time, letting the waves crash against my legs, but I finally decided not to go in. I felt like a sissy, but the fact is, I thought I might have trouble getting back out again because of my artificial left knee. If I hadn't been alone, I might have reconsidered. Other people were in the water, but obviously they were strangers to me (I don't actually know anybody down here).

It's windy again today, and very humid. I'm torn. I'd love to take a swim, but I don't know if I want to go to the beach. Last year I challenged myself to get into the water every day. I've already blown that for this year (I didn't submerge myself yesterday). But this year my only challenge was to make sure I got to the beach four times (enough to pay for the sticker), and I've already been there three times. I can drive down any time, and I might just do that.

Yesterday's outing was a trip down Route 28 to West Dennis and a discount Indian-style clothing place. I bought two sundresses, one of which I can wear to work. It's a purple print and has an actual top, not just straps. The second one has spaghetti straps and I couldn't wear it to work, but in color - green and periwinkle - it's a close match to my old favorite sundress that I bought at a place which has since gone out of business. I wore it yesterday afternoon and I felt great about it.

Today I made it down to Marion's Pie Shop for a cinnamon roll for breakfast. I ate half of it. Those things are huge! I stopped at the Box Office Cafe for a cup of Sumatran coffee to enjoy with it.

I went down to Harwich Port and got a bargain pedicure. I think I should have asked for the full version. It was kind of a disappointing experience; the pedicurist didn't say much, and she didn't clip my nails, which I think she should have.

Anyway, I might go to the beach this afternoon. Or maybe not. I don't know yet.

Cape Cod vacation, part 3: Perfect Beach Day

Today when I got up, it was actually a little chilly, in the 60s. I went down to Harwich Port to see if I could get a "dirt bomb" muffin from Bonatt's - it's similar to the doughnut muffins I sometimes make, a cinnamon-coated cakelike muffin. They were sold out already, though, so I got a morning glory muffin instead. Then I went to Perks for coffee. They had Sumatran, my favorite. I love vacation breakfasts!

I managed to forget to pack dishtowels this year. What a perfect excuse to go to the Mayflower in Chatham! I've barely been able to resist buying dishtowels there in the past. They carry designs that speak of Cape Cod - shells, hydrangeas, starfish, beach chairs. I bought a hand towel with shells and hydrangeas and a great dishtowel that says Sand and Ocean. Then I came home and did my dishes. Okay, it wasn't the first time I did them, but at least this time I didn't have to dry them with a paper towel.

I poked into a few other places in Chatham, which was crowded with people, but I didn't buy anything else. On the way back to Harwich I stopped at Marion's Pie Shop and bought a small blueberry pie. Yum!

This afternoon, I went to the beach. It was much better than yesterday's visit. I was able to park closer to the main part of the beach, and the spot I got on the sand was great. I walked on the beach a little bit and took a few pictures. I saw two little girls digging ditches in the sand; it reminded me of my sister and me at their ages. There was still a lot of seaweed, but the tide was higher and it was easy to find a path into the water. I stayed in for much longer today. Nantucket Sound is usually very warm, and today was no exception. In fact, the air felt shockingly cold when I got out. I sat on my beach chair and read for a long time. Nobody was smoking near me today! I'm not really a suntanner, and it's usually hard to keep me on the beach if I'm not in the water or walking, but today I stayed for a couple of hours.

I cooked a hamburger for supper tonight, and decided to toast the bun under the broiler. There's a toaster here, but it's just for bread; the bun was too puffy to go in. Anyway, I left it in for too long, and it scorched a little. No huge problem, right? Well, it wouldn't have been if the smoke alarm hadn't gone off... I yanked the battery. I'll have to put it back up before I go to bed tonight.

Cape Cod vacation, part 2: Settling in

I had my beach sticker by 8:30 this morning. This year, the short-term passes are kind of pink. Last year, they were red. I kept my old pass stuck on my rear bumper until last Friday. It made it easier to spot my car in parking lots. Besides, it reminded me of my vacation. By last Friday, it had faded to about the color of the new one.

After securing my beach sticker, I went to Bonatt's bakery in the center of Harwich Port and got a Meltaway. This pastry was a tradition when I was a kid, but like everything else, it's changed. Bonatt's used to be on the corner of Bank Street. I remember going down with my grandmother and walking from the parking lot to the store. We had to pass under the kitchen exhaust fan, which always blew out the most delicious-scented air, hot and sweet and cinnamony. Old Mrs. Bonatt always had free samples for us children, pieces of cookies or other goodies. I remember making jokes about doughnuts ("Bonatt's Do-natts") but I don't actually remember eating them. I used to love the bran muffins, though.

Anyway, I had a vague memory that there was something about them I didn't really like, but I couldn't remember what it was, which is why I'm writing it down here. They've got bits of some odd spice in them. There was a hand-written sign that mentioned cardamom, but to me it tasted like lavender blossoms. I don't remember that from either my childhood or back in the 80s when I brought my kids there.

The other odd hand-written sign was on the bran muffins. "New!" it said of my favorite flavor from the 1950s.

Later this morning I went shopping. I went to the Super Stop & Shop in East Harwich. It's laid out almost exactly like the one I shop at back home, which was disconcerting. I walked down an identical produce aisle and looked over to where the hot dogs should be, and it was the fish counter. My usual store doesn't have a fish counter. I plan to buy fish while I'm at the Cape, but I won't be getting it at the Stop & Shop!

I went to the beach in the middle of the day. Red River Beach has parking all along the stretch of sand. I had to drive almost to the end to find a parking place, but this part of the beach was almost deserted. It was full of green seaweed. I have no idea what the rest of the beach looked like, but there weren't a lot of people swimming that I could see, even though the water was warm. I found a spot where I could wade in without walking through too much seaweed, but I didn't stay in too long. I came back to the beach and sat down and read for awhile. I forgot my hat, though, and it was hard to see the words. When a group of people sat down near me and all lit up cigarettes, I decided it was time to go.

The sky was white in the middle of the day - high clouds or haze. I could see blue further inland, so I guess the haze was confined to the shore. It bleached the color out of everything after awhile (or maybe that was the lack of a hat). The rose hips I'd parked near weren't nearly as red when I got back to the car.

I went back into Harwich Port later this afternoon and bought some Garden Mint soap. I poked into a few shops, but didn't buy anything else.

Now it's late afternoon. The living room windows face west, so I have the blinds shut to keep the place cooler. I don't have any other plans today - just to relax and read. And why not? It's my vacation!