RuPaul's Drag Race? Why Not?

Why should a middle-aged (if you stretch the definition of "middle age" well into what used to be considered, um, old) straight woman enjoy watching "RuPaul's Drag Race", where gay men compete in full drag to be named America's Top Drag Queen? Well, as I said my title, why not?

The new season started on Monday. This is the second year I've watched the show (I missed the first season). Last year I was rooting for our Boston contestant, Jujubee. She came in third, which isn't too bad, but I still think she should have won.

I'm looking for a new show to blog. For the past three years at this time, I've blogged enthusiastically about "American Idol", a show I've watched since its first season. Last spring, after the wrong person won for the second year in a row, I decided not to blog the show when it started up again this season. The problem is that you're allowed to vote multiple times for each person. The singers who won were more acceptable to the conservative audience, who were patient enough (or crazy enough) to vote over and over long after my patience faded. Anyway, I'm a little sick of competitions where "America" controls the voting. Want to know how good "America" is at picking the best people for the job? Just look at the clowns we elect to represent us.

So I thought, why not blog about RuPaul's Drag Race? I love the show, and there isn't as much online chatter about it as there is about American Idol. And there's plenty to say.

This year there are 13 contestants. Drag queen names can be really funny, although most of these are pretty mundane. I'm listing them alphabetically by first name:

• Alexis Mateo
• Carmen Carrera
• Delta Work (she's one of my favorites)
• India Ferrah
• Manila Luzon (where do you think her ancestors are from? Her boyfriend is last year's contestant Sahara Davenport.)
• Mariah
• Mimi Imfurst (pronounced "Me! Me! I'm First!")
• Phoenix (who is from Atlanta, GA, not Phoenix...)
• Raja
• Shangela Laquifa Wadley (she was eliminated first in Season 2, and has been given a second chance)
  
• Stacy Layne Matthews (she's from Back Swamp, NC)
  
• Venus D'Lite (which sounds kind of like a diet dessert to me)
• Yara Sofia

Three of the ladies are "big girls": Delta Work, Mimi Imfurst, and Stacy Layne Matthews. Watching these ladies strutting around in sexy clothes is inspiring for me. First of all, I want to know where they get their outfits, especially the sexy corsets and bustiers!

The theme of the first show is Christmas (Xmas? Does it make a difference?) The first - what? challenge? event? - is a photo session in which they are asked to jump on a trampoline while snowflakes are sprayed at them; their photos are snapped while they are up in the air. They were all dressed in drag at this point, so some of them were jumping with long gowns or boots (I think anyone wearing stilettos removed them first!).

Then, they visited a thrift shop to buy clothing (or whatever they could find) to create the perfect Christmas outfit. Shangela bought a large white bulbous lampshade, with the intent of creating a kind of a snowman look. Mimi whined that thrift shops didn't carry her size. (Delta and Stacy Layne just went about finding what they needed, without a single whine. I admired them more for that.) Carmen bought a gold mesh belt, which she said she was going to use as a skirt. I didn't believe her. I should have.

Back at the workshop, the area had been bedecked with Christmas decorations. The queens dismantled them in seconds, scavenging treasures to make their outfits all the more fabulous. Shangela took the snowman, which was almost as big as she was. Raja grabbed a small Christmas tree skirt (you know, the kind that goes under the Christmas tree, where you put the presents...). Both Venus and Phoenix smashed up ornaments and glued them to the lapels of red garments (a vest for Venus, a jacket for Phoenix). Venus was pissed off that Phoenix was copying her idea, even though that wasn't even true. Mimi decided to dress up as the Virgin Mary, and later had a major meltdown about how terrible her costume was. Just another night at the Drag Race.

The next night, the costumes were judged. Bruce Vilanch was a guest judge, and he dressed up like Santa Claus. Vanessa Williams was the other guest judge. Carmen was the first one to strut down the runway. She was wearing that gold mesh belt and very little else. The rear view consisted of a sprig of mistletoe right over her butt crack. The front view looked like a thong. You could not even see a telltale bulge of her, um, manly parts. Manila was dressed in a red minidress trimmed in white fur, and she carried a fur muff. Yara Sofia came in wearing a Rudolph nose; her wig was styled so that it came up in a large antler-like roll on top. She was wearing a gold dress, which she took off to reveal red undergarments. Phoenix came out in her silver ornament trimmed jacket, which included huge clusters of ornaments on each shoulder, and a disc covered in peppermint stripes worn as a hat. She also wore a very short skirt. RuPaul said "O Holy Night, that skirt is short. I can see her figgy pudding!"

Stacy Layne was wearing a bright shiny red dress, knee-length, cut low in the bodice. She strutted her stuff proudly. I wish I could believe in myself the way she does. They played a voice-over of her saying "I think it's time for a plus-size queen." I agree with her. Venus was beautiful from the neck up; she wore a brightly decorated ponytail that the judges later said was the best part of her outfit. Her crushed-ornament-bedecked vest looked overdone, and she wore a gold skirt with gold garland sewn (or glued?) around the hem. I thought she still looked good, but the judges didn't agree.

India was wearing a red-and-gold dress cut down to her navel. Not sure where the impressive cleavage came from. One of the women judges said "Look at those two treats." Delta came out dressed for Kwanzaa, the judges said, with a gold headdress on and a black dress with huge flowing green sleeves. She looked very elegant. Alexis wore a ruffly red dress with large silver snowflakes attached.

Mimi came out in her blue-and-white sparkly dress, clutching a bundle that looked like a baby. She had a red heart pinned in her cleavage. She was followed by Mariah, who was dressed in a silvery gray pantsuit, kind of, although the pants came to the knees. There's probably some correct term for that kind of outfit. I'm fashionably challenged...

Raja was right at home on the runway. She was wearing that tree skirt, which looked perfect on her, and the layers of Christmas-wrapping-like shirts and vests, black boots trimmed with white fur, and a large bow around her neck. Her wig was white and frothy. As she left the runway, she lay down and did a snow angel. (Not that there was any snow, but everybody got the point.)

Shangela brought the snowman (which she named "Frostula") in with her. They were dressed alike, in red garland-trimmed green bodices and rounded white below - the (fake) snowball on the snowman, and the lampshade on Shangela. The lampshade was kind of falling apart at the back by then, though.

RuPaul selected Mariah, Delta, Yara, India, Phoenix, Stacy Layne, and Alexis. "The seven of you all stood out...for not standing out from the crowd." They were all safe, though, and were sent to the lounge.

The other six represented the best and the worst, and I wasn't 100% sure which was which. They liked Carmen's very sexy (as in practically naked) look, and they liked Manila's outfit, but they didn't like Shangela's get-up; they suggested she was upstaged by the plastic snowman. Santino said Venus looked like "a sad Christmas elf."

RuPaul said to Mimi, "You've got such a big heart," meaning the one glued to her front. "I've got a big everything, girl," Mimi laughed. She seemed to be in the top 3, if I can figure out what the judges meant.

Raja won the photo challenge earlier, and the judges had only praise for her costume.

After the contestants were sent to the lounge, the judges conferred. Vanessa said about Carmen: "I'm still mesmerized how she tucked all that stuff. I don't know where the heck it went, but it was an amazing tuck."

"Condragulations, you're safe." RuPaul said these words to Mimi and Manila. Raja got, "Condragulations, you are the winner of this challenge." making her a two-time winner. She got a gift certificate from sequinqueen.com. Venus ended up in the bottom 2 with Shangela. Carmen was safe, but I have no idea if she was in the top or bottom three.

Venus and Shangela had to lip-sync for their lives; the song choice was "The Right Stuff" by Vanessa Williams. Shangela did a great job, and Venus basically went on the attack, shoving Shangela around on the stage. When Shangela's lampshade skirt fell off, Venus grabbed it and pulled it back over Shangela's head. It was clear to me who should be eliminated - the very pretty, but not very nice or original, Venus D'Lite. And she was told to "sashay away."

Next week, I think they're doing some kind of sci-fi drag. I can't wait!

I still care. I just don't seem to show it very well.

Today I found out that one of my friends from first grade through high school had died. Last Tuesday, while I was home from work with a bad cough and a fever feeling sorry for myself, my old friend died. I wish I'd known in time to say goodbye.

We had kept in touch since high school until only a few years ago, after I moved to Lynn in 2003. At some point I stopped sending out Christmas cards, and she stopped sending hers to me. I guess I deserved that.

And the question I'm asking myself is: Why did I stop sending out Christmas cards? It wasn't because I stopped caring about the people on my list. I still cared - still care, present tense - every bit as much. It wasn't because sending them was too expensive. I may not have much extra money, but I'd gladly spring for cards and postage. No, the reason is that I stopped believing I had anything interesting to say. It's a function of the depression I struggle with every day of my life.

I feel guilty because I didn't live up to my potential. I didn't finish my master's degree. I work as an administrative assistant. I couldn't keep my marriage together. I moved out and left my kids with their dad, which seemed like the right idea at the time. They're grown now, and at the moment the boys are in the other room playing a board game, and my daughter called yesterday from Chicago, so I don't think my relationship with them suffered. But I still feel like a failure.

I feel boring because I don't do anything spectacular in my life. What would I say in a Christmas card? "I didn't take any wonderful trips to foreign countries. I didn't finish a novel and get it published. I didn't go out on a single date for the sixth year in a row." How many ways can I say "I play handbells" - one of the most interesting things about me?

And so I've lost touch with a lot of wonderful people, people I wish I still could talk to or write to or exchange Christmas or other cards with. And on some vague level I think it can all be fixed. But then someone dies, and the chance is gone forever.

Another new year? Slow down!

When an old year ends and a new one begins, I have often written a summary of the previous year and/or a list of hopes or goals for the new year. In 2010 I reached a milestone, one of those birthdays with a zero on the end (I'm a very youthful 60), and now it seems as if all those years are zooming by so fast that I barely have time to write about one before the next one is colliding with it. 2011? Really? I'm not done with 2009 yet!

2010 started out with my daughter becoming engaged to her long-time boyfriend. (He proposed on December 31, 2009. It was very romantic, based on the pictures he put up on Facebook.) A lot of 2010 was filled with planning the wedding, to be held this March. For the most part, this has been a positive experience. But the fact that I am not exactly amicably divorced from her father has caused a little stress for both her and me. I wish I knew how to fix this.

During 2010, I didn't have a single date. I didn't flirt with any guys. I didn't even have a pleasant conversation with an eligible man (for me, that means single, in my age bracket, and employed). All the men I know are married or gay (or possibly both, this being Massachusetts). I just wish I had a male friend to go out with from time to time. I have no desire to get married again. I took down my personal ads after meeting too many unemployed guys who were only looking for somebody to sponge off of or lure into bed.

During 2010, though, I did go on vacation twice. In June my sons included me in their week at their father's family summer cottage on the shore of a lake in New Hampshire. I'd been there many times over the 24 years I was with their father, and I was glad to get a chance to go back without him. We brought my two cats. The older one, Peaches, had been there a few times before, back in the late 90's. I couldn't tell if he remembered it. The younger cat, Zoe, fell in love with the screened-in porch, where she could chatter at chipmunks and birds to her heart's content.

In August, I spent a week in South Harwich, Cape Cod. I blogged about it while I was there, so I don't have to talk about it now. I still want to retire to the Cape someday. No, that's not quite true: What I really want is to be rich enough to own property there and in the Boston area, and split my time between the houses. That's what daydreams are for.

It's hard to come up with any more positives. I didn't finish NaNoWriMo this year (after 4 wins) because I chose a very dark subject matter (The Apocalypse in Boston!) and writing about it was draining. Besides, my daughter and her fiancé were here for a week, and we were busy with wedding-related things.

I played Antidepressant Roulette for too long, starting in August of 2009 and still continuing today. After I decided I'd had enough of the Crazy Pill Lady in December 2009, it took me several months to learn that there was nobody else in that practice who would see me. (Long story. I hear the Crazy Pill Lady lost her job, so apparently I wasn't the only one she misdiagnosed.) I went to my Primary Care doctor, and she referred me to another agency. They assigned me to a psychiatrist who retired six months later. Then they placed me with somebody else. He's got me on Celexa, which I started right before Thanksgiving. I have no idea how well it's working. I'm very high-functioning anyway, so getting through the holidays could have been just a coincidence. I figure I'll know how successful I've been when I finally get asked out on a date again. By an employed single guy in my age bracket. Sigh.

My mom is getting older, just like me. She's 86, and has a hip that badly needs replacing, and needs to be in assisted living. Most of the burden of her care falls on my sister, who lives nearby. I just feel guilty. The hip replacement is scheduled for the end of this month. Assisted living is sure to follow. My sister has found a place for her. They'll even let her keep her cat.

So, 2011 has major changes in store for my family: My daughter's wedding, my mother's surgery and her move to assisted living. As for me? I just hope to be able to get through it all.

Large and In Love?

So CBS has decided to feature a large-size couple in their new show "Mike and Molly". I wasn't sure where they were going to go with this. Is it going to be one massive fat joke, or will watching it be a healing experience, the way watching "Huge" was all summer? "Huge", on ABC Family, featured a group of large-size teens at fat camp, and was touching, funny, and remarkably liberating for me. The teens were allowed to be real kids, not merely fat jokes. It is one of the best shows I've ever watched, and I'm anxiously awaiting Season 2 (which may or may not happen).

Anyway, I taped "Mike and Molly" Monday night and watched it last night. The main characters are introduced as going about their lives trying to lose weight: Mike, a cop, is eating a plain unadorned hot dog while his partner chows down on an actual plate of food. Molly is on a treadmill of some sort (I don't know exercise machines; I'm sure this one has a name, but all I know is that she was walking on it), and her scrawny mother and skinny sister delight in eating chocolate cake in front of her. Okay. This all rings true. Some people can eat anything and stay thin. Some of us can walk for hours and stick to our diets and struggle to lose an ounce.

Then, Mike and Molly "meet cute" (as all the reviews have been sure to note) at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. One of my friends met her husband at an OA meeting, so I was kind of tickled by this concept. Mike's cop partner Carl attends the meeting with him. Molly's thin but apparently drug-addled sister Victoria comes with her. Why? I have no idea. Mike's last name turns out to be Biggs. How much of a fat joke is that? I wish they'd chosen a better last name for him, something neutral, instead of something that lends itself to so many digs at his size. Anyway, the first irritating fat joke that I remember comes up when two large people are walking upstairs next to each other and meet somebody coming down. The two large people completely block the stairwell. Real life? One of the fat people would have moved behind the other. For the purposes of the TV show, though, they made them stand side by side. I could have done without that. It added nothing to the show.

Well, Mike is too shy to ask Molly out, even though she's clearly interested in him. Carl eggs him on without making any references to his or her size, which I liked. I would have probably gotten counseled by my mother: "You might as well go out with him. Who else will want to date you at your size?" (This frequent occurrence goes a long way towards explaining why I married the wrong man...) She invites him to speak to her fourth-grade students, which he does, with mixed results. At the next OA meeting, he works up his courage to ask her out, doing so while leaning on a table, which collapses at an inopportune moment. Another fat joke I could have done without - the Collapsing Furniture. Guess what? We fat people rarely break furniture. The last thing that should be done on a fat-positive show is to have a main character break furniture because of his size.

Anyway, Molly's house is robbed, and Mike finally asks her out while taking a police report. Sort of cute for a socially awkward guy no matter what his size.

I'm writing this the next day, and I'm not rewatching the show as I do it, so I know I missed things. My feeling at the end was that it could develop into something better as it goes along, but the pilot was not that good.

Dancing With The - What, Now?

I'm not a regular viewer of "Dancing with the Stars". So far, I seem to have only watched seasons in which Olympic skaters were dancing - the first season I watched had Apolo Anton Ohno (he won), the second Kristi Yamaguchi (she won, too), and the third Evan Lysacek (he didn't). I'll admit, I love to watch any ice skating event the Olympics has to offer. Evan's season was the most recent season. They had some questionable "stars" on then, too - Kate Gosselin?! "The Bachelor" Jake Pavelka?! Anyway, I had heard a few rumors about who might be on the show this season, and I'll admit I was a little curious.

Not curious enough to watch "Bachelor Pad", though, where the DWTS "stars" were announced last night. So I didn't find out who was actually going to be on the show until this morning. And now I know for sure that "Stars" should be replaced with "Z-Listers, Has-Beens, and the Truly Infamous."

Let's start with Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, from that train-wreck of a show "Jersey Shore". He thinks he's a star, but he's not - he's a sickening joke. I resent that they validated his inflated view of himself by asking him to be on this show. Harrumph. Truly Infamous.

Then there's Bristol Palin, most famous for having a baby out of wedlock. Being the daughter of a politician doesn't make her a star. She has no more right to be on that show than Kate Gosselin did. Somewhere between Z-Lister and Truly Infamous.

David Hasselhoff falls squarely into the "Has-Been" category. They should have asked his beautiful daughter, Hayley, who has been so entertaining in "Huge" this season.

Florence Henderson? Mom to the Brady Bunch? Has-Been. This season's Cloris Leachman. (oops, I must have watched another season if I remember Cloris - was there a skater on then?)

Michael Bolton?! Oh my effing Gawd! I used to love him in about 1990. Definitely a Has-Been.

There are the obligatory sports stars, who are completely unfamiliar to me. Rick Fox, a retired LA Laker, and Kurt Warner, "retired NFL quarterback" (which tells me nothing. He didn't play for the Patriots, so I never heard of him.)

Singer Brandy Norwood is going to be on. She's sort of a star, I guess. I used to love her on "Moesha" (a show my daughter loved back in the 90's).

I'm not sure who Audrina Patridge is, either. I never watched "The Hills", I'm happy to say.

I'll give Margaret Cho credit for being a current star. And maybe Jennifer Grey, who is at least still on TV. I never heard of Kyle Massey, but that's because he's on "That's So Raven", and I don't have any tweener daughters any more.

So am I going to watch this season? Oh, probably, at least at the beginning. I want to watch The Situation make a fool of himself.

Cape Cod vacation, part 5: Back Home

The last time I wrote, last Wednesday, I was uncertain about going to the beach. Well, I did end up going, and it was just as windy as it had been on Tuesday. But the tide was higher, and I decided to go swimming anyway. I had a great time in the water, jumping waves the way I used to when I was a kid. I took a picture of the seagulls sitting on the beach in front of the lifeguard's station, all facing into the wind. I thought it was funny to see a beach full of seagulls instead of sunbathers.

Thursday I met my sister and my niece at Dunbar Tea Room in Sandwich. We had tea and curried chicken salad. It had been raining, and the humidity was intense. We visited a "magical" gift shop, Lavender Moon, which was fun. My older son was on his way down to the Cape by then, so I returned home. It took him the same 3+ hours to get there as it had taken me the previous Saturday. Traffic. Grrr.

Once he arrived, we played Lexulous while we waited for my younger son, who was working until 9. We got sandwiches from the Box Office Cafe for supper. Finally, at around 10, we called my younger son, who grumpily said he had to work Friday morning. I wonder when he was planning to tell us...

Friday morning we had breakfast at (yes, again) the Box Office Cafe. It was very humid again, although not as windy as it had been. We decided we needed to go for a ride in an air-conditioned car, so we headed up to Orleans. We located the Old Jailhouse Tavern, a place my parents loved to go when my kids were small. I wasn't sure it was still there, but it was, although we had to resort to my son's GPS to find it. We decided to have lunch there. It wasn't very crowded, so I wasn't expecting it to be as good as I remembered. But I enjoyed it.

After that we visited Earth House, the aging-hippie Mecca that I love to go to. I took pictures of the minerals to show my daughter, who is getting married in March to another geologist - they plan to incorporate minerals into their centerpieces. I also bought a sodalite heart, which I added to the other odds and ends I carry in my pocketbook - snowflake obsidian in my wallet, because somebody told me once I'd never go broke if I carried it there; rose quartz, because it's supposed to attract love, even though by now it's pretty clear it isn't working; a cowrie shell just because a woman I didn't know gave it to me at a time when I really needed something to hold onto. Here's what sodalite is supposed to do:

Sodalite helps one to arrive at logical conclusions via a rational mental process by eliminating confusion and stimulating the intellect. It helps one to find a direction of purpose with lightness of heart. It provides for solidarity, fellowship, and commonality of good and purpose within a group. Sodalite encourages self-esteem and self-trust, as well as companionship and trust in others. It helps one to recognize and actualize one's true feelings.

(At least that's what I think it says on the paper that was with the more expensive heart I didn't buy. I took a picture of it, but it isn't in focus.)

Anyway, I could really use help with my rational mental process, confusion, etc., not to mention self-esteem and self-trust.

My younger son finally arrived at about 4:30. He and I promptly went to the beach; older son sat at home on the couch, being lazy. We had a great time in the water. The waves weren't as big as they'd been on the windiest days, but they were still a lot of fun to play in.

We ordered pizza from (guess where!) the Box Office Cafe for supper. Yum! A Usual Suspects and a Pineapple Express.

Saturday we had to be out of the rental by 10 a.m. We made it by 9:45. After I dropped off the keys at the realtor's, we drove past the Chatham lighthouse the way we do every year. We couldn't find a parking place, though. Was everybody looking for sharks? So we headed up towards Orleans, through Pleasant Bay. Lovely scenery. Oh, and of course the weather was perfect, on the day we had to leave. We visited Earth House again (younger son wanted to go, too) and this time I bought a shirt that I hadn't seen the day before.

We were in three cars, so we headed home. Since the Seafood Sam's in Harwich Port had closed, we decided to have lunch at the one in Sandwich. It turns out to be close to the Cape Cod Bay end of the Cape Cod Canal. Younger son had to dash off to work, but older son and I walked out to the end of the canal after lunch. I took a lot of pictures.

Anyway, I'm home now. I just wanted to wind up the blog.

Cape Cod vacation, part 4: Windy

Yesterday was a very windy day. When I finally went down to the beach in the middle of the afternoon, it was practically deserted, and I found out why as soon as I stepped out of my car. No, not the sharks which are offshore not too far from here. It was the sand. The wind was driving a fine mist of sand into everything in its path. A lot of the sand looked smooth, with all the footprints erased, from the relentlessness of the wind.

And the water was rough. Three-foot waves, which might not be much in other parts of the world, but are significant in Nantucket Sound. I stood on the shore for some time, letting the waves crash against my legs, but I finally decided not to go in. I felt like a sissy, but the fact is, I thought I might have trouble getting back out again because of my artificial left knee. If I hadn't been alone, I might have reconsidered. Other people were in the water, but obviously they were strangers to me (I don't actually know anybody down here).

It's windy again today, and very humid. I'm torn. I'd love to take a swim, but I don't know if I want to go to the beach. Last year I challenged myself to get into the water every day. I've already blown that for this year (I didn't submerge myself yesterday). But this year my only challenge was to make sure I got to the beach four times (enough to pay for the sticker), and I've already been there three times. I can drive down any time, and I might just do that.

Yesterday's outing was a trip down Route 28 to West Dennis and a discount Indian-style clothing place. I bought two sundresses, one of which I can wear to work. It's a purple print and has an actual top, not just straps. The second one has spaghetti straps and I couldn't wear it to work, but in color - green and periwinkle - it's a close match to my old favorite sundress that I bought at a place which has since gone out of business. I wore it yesterday afternoon and I felt great about it.

Today I made it down to Marion's Pie Shop for a cinnamon roll for breakfast. I ate half of it. Those things are huge! I stopped at the Box Office Cafe for a cup of Sumatran coffee to enjoy with it.

I went down to Harwich Port and got a bargain pedicure. I think I should have asked for the full version. It was kind of a disappointing experience; the pedicurist didn't say much, and she didn't clip my nails, which I think she should have.

Anyway, I might go to the beach this afternoon. Or maybe not. I don't know yet.