White-bread Jesus

These days I don't attend church very often. I grew up in the Unitarian-Universalist church, but I married a Congregationalist, and my kids were raised in the United Church of Christ. I was first introduced to handbells there, and after my divorce, when I moved to my home north of Boston, I decided to choose a church based on whether they had a handbell choir. It was another UCC church. My sons now play handbells with me there. (My daughter has substituted in our choir when she's home from grad school in Maryland.)

Anyway, on those Sundays I do attend, which happen to be the Sundays when the handbell choir plays, I'm strongly aware that I'm a UU sitting in a Christian church. My boys have decided they're more UU than UCC these days, too, so at least I'm not the only one.

But that really has nothing to do with my humorous experience in church yesterday. It was Homecoming Sunday, the first Sunday after Labor Day, when the church year really kicks off. We played handbells, accompanying the choir on the anthem. It was also the first Sunday of the month, so it was a Communion Sunday. I like the idea of Communion as a way for people to bond together into a group, a fellowship. But Jesus for me is a teacher who lived a long time ago and doesn't have an active presence in my life today, which is fine with me.

So the deacons passed out the Communion bread - cubes of white bread. When I was a kid, we used to get cubes of Wonder bread for Communion, and we'd squish them as small as we could. I restrained myself from doing that yesterday, but I suddenly had an inspiration for a blues song:

I don't want no white-bread Jesus,
He's too bland for me,
I'm lookin' for a whole-grain Jesus...

Okay, it needs work, but it cracked me up.

Then, in the prayer after Communion, the text read "we go from here to be eager bearers of his word..." Well, I read it "eager beavers". Fortunately I didn't actually say this, but I couldn't stop giggling.

For the first 47 years of my life, I was always active in church. I grew up in the church, always there for Sunday school and junior choir and church suppers and youth group and the church fair, which I still go back to attend. I raised my kids in the church - they were always there for Sunday school and junior choir and handbell choir and church suppers and youth group. I was always there on committees, senior choir, handbell choir, teaching Sunday school...

Then my marriage broke up, and I moved away. My ex has "custody" of our former church, and I can't really attend there without feeling awkward.

Where churches go, I'm homeless. The church where I play handbells hasn't exactly taken me in. They made a few attempts at the beginning, but I resisted being sucked back into the bottomless pit of being asked to be on committees, teach Sunday school, etc. etc. If I became active in church again, I'd have to start attending regularly. Also, I'd have to pledge money, and when I first started coming to this church, I was barely making ends meet.

But I'm teetering on the fence now. If people tried to get me to be more active in this church, I might do it. I'm also considering looking for a UU church to attend on weeks when I'm not playing handbells. I dunno.