Thoughts on my Birthday

On my eighth birthday, I received a softball bat and ball. I was delighted. That evening after supper, we went outside to play on the neighbor's field (which he kept mowed for the neighborhood kids to play ball on). I remember staying outside until long after the sun set. My bedtime back then was 8:00, and I know I was still outside playing softball in the twilight then. The glow of the sky, the warmth of the air, the crack of the bat - these are some of my favorite childhood birthday memories.

I have many other happy birthday memories, but this one always reminds me of how long the days are getting by mid-May. It's still light at 8 p.m., even on the endless gray days we've been having recently.

I always thought May was the best month to be born in. The days are usually warm without being too hot. My mother's back yard was full of lilacs and other spring flowers. I was given a Mayflower viburnum bush for my birthday one year, and it was always covered with fragrant blossoms by my birthday. The yard was full of lilies of the valley and violets (both purple and white), and somebody would usually pick me a nosegay for my birthday. Down by the woods, the bluets and wild violets were in bloom. My sister and I used to make May baskets out of paper cups for our grandmother and the elderly woman who lived next door to her. We'd fill them with wildflowers and leave them on their doorknobs on May Day morning before we went to school. (It helped that our school was practically next door to those houses.)

Today, a house sits on the old ball field. It's been there for a good 30 years, probably closer to 40. My mother's house will be on the market soon. I'm allergic to lilacs, but I'm still considering planting a shoot from one of hers in my yard. Nobody has picked me a nosegay in years. Yeah, I miss them. I just threw out the forsythia that was in my little vase, and I'd love to have something new in it.

May took on a different aspect as I got older. School is winding down for the year. Most colleges have exams and graduation in May. Every committee I used to be on had its final meeting and banquet in May. Choirs I have sung in (or rung in) tend to have concerts in May. Our handbell choir gave one on May 1st. When I was in college, my birthday tended to fall during reading week, and there was almost always a party (for me and all of the other May birthdays - there are a ton of us, and most of us are on Facebook). We needed the study break. What better excuse?

Sometimes I feel as if my days are drawing to a close, that I've hit my own late May twilight. When I sat down to write this, that's the direction I thought I'd be heading. But right now, I don't really feel that way. Maybe there will be more birthdays filled with flowers (that don't make me sneeze!) and sunshine. Not this year (at least for the sunshine). But there's a flicker of hope somewhere inside of me, one that it's been harder to keep alive recently. May it continue to flicker.