Our Beach

My older son found a box full of old photographs that he took when he was a kid. (He'll be 28 in a little over a month.) He's been scanning them into his computer and emailing them to us. One of the pictures he found was one I've been thinking about since I took my Cape Cod vacation last fall. My parents, my kids, their dad and I rented a house in Harwich Port for 5 summers, 1988-1992. During April school vacation in 1993, we went down to visit the Cape - eat at Seafood Sam's, drive by the Chatham Lighthouse, and walk on the beach. We knew we wouldn't be coming back the following summer. I was feeling very sad about that, and my mood was somber. I'm not sure who wrote this in the beach, but:

It's our initials, followed by "This is OUR BEACH." I thought that maybe somehow by laying claim to it, we'd get some good karma and magically convince the Universe to arrange for us to stay there again. But the Universe wasn't paying any attention, and our days of renting on the Cape while the kids were small were over.

Almost every summer, we manage to make a day trip (I go, accompanied by one, two or three kids, whoever else is available). We eat at Seafood Sam's, visit the Chatham lighthouse, and drive around our old neighborhood. Sometimes we walk on the beach. But we go back to our homes near Boston at the end of the day.

Last fall, I finally managed an overnight visit to the Cape when I spent four wonderful days right down the beach from "Our Beach". I talked about it here. I have pictures of the vacation on all of my computers as wallpaper, and they warm my heart as I think of the place where I feel most myself.

Since then, I realized something about "Our Beach." Even though we don't stay there every year, it's still "our beach", and it always will be. It's in our hearts, a part of our lives. We belong there, and the beach knows it. It recognizes us as its own. Odd as that sounds, I feel it very strongly. When I walk there, I'm whole. The little girl who ran ahead of her mother and grandparents, the young mother who delighted in watching the hermit crabs in the tidal pools with her small children, the older mother who brought her growing kids to this place even after they couldn't rent there any more - they all walk with me. That's why I keep going back. All the best pieces of myself can be found there.

My Cape Cod Vacation, Part 4

October 16, 2008

I have to go home today. I want to stay here forever, but no vacation lasts forever. I have to go back to earning money to pay for more vacations someday...

It's sunny today, at last. I hope I can do a major beach walk before checkout time, 11 a.m. I'll bring my camera, and with any luck, I won't get caught by high tide. If it was at 1 yesterday, it won't be at 9 today. I think it's around 6 1/2 hours between tides, which would make high tide later than that. I could look it up online, if I had an internet connection...

Last night I went to the Impudent Oyster in Chatham for supper. We used to go there back in the 80s and 90s. My parents and my sister liked it. Well, it's nice enough, I guess, but it's horrendously overpriced and just a touch pretentious. I had steak au poivre, which was delicious. I followed it up with a cup of coffee. The whole experience, including tip, was just over $40. YIKES. Imagine what it would have been if I'd had wine... I'm still feeling bad about it - not just guilt, but regret for what else I could have bought with the extra $25-$30 I spent on that meal. All for an experience that I could have done without. (Whacks self mentally on head.)

I had gone early to avoid the crowds and was back in my room before 7. I then spent four hours watching TV. I was kind of in a red-meat stupor - but I also got a great start on my new hat that I'm knitting. As I said, it's a very complex pattern, and I now know that I can do it. I wanted to make sure before I left the yarn-store ladies behind!

I was thinking about how, when I walk the beach alone here, I'm never really alone. I'm walking with myself as a little girl, running ahead of my mother and grandparents with my little sister, feet always dancing. And I'm walking with my own kids, the baby slung in a hip carrier while the older kids run ahead of my mother and me, just as I did. My personal heaven will look a lot like the strip of beach between Allen and Wychmere Harbors. Sun, clouds, moon, stars, whatever the lighting, it's always my beach, and it always will be. I plan to come back here and repeat this vacation next year.

Later. Allen Harbor has been achieved! Hallelujah!

It's a beautiful sunny morning. The walk seemed short; it was no time before I saw my first landmark. I took lots of pictures this time, since I actually had my camera with me! It was low tide, probably about dead low, which left a lot of beach for walking. I'm going to share a few of these pictures.



I actually took this one to show a little crowd of birds (terns? sandpipers? something else?), but it's a good shot of the expanse of beach.



This is the same part of the beach where the waves were washing up against the seawall yesterday. Look at the difference today!



That's the jetty at the entrance to Allen Harbor. I used to love to run out to the end when I was a little girl. I didn't attempt it today; my knees are still too unstable. Who knows, maybe by next summer I can run out to the end again - or at least walk sedately there!

My knee bothered me some on the way back. The beach was slanted, with the higher side being on my left, so the leg with the new knee had to pretend to be shorter than the other one. But I got back and sank down on the bed gratefully, my cold pack on my knee.

It's almost 10:30 now, and I have to be out of here by 11, so I'm shutting down now. This vacation has been everything I hoped it would be, and I can't wait to come back to the Cape!