Old, Fat and Unashamed

I enjoy reading fat-positive blogs, the ones that encourage women like me to accept ourselves and love ourselves the way we are. There are quite a few of them. As far as I can tell, though, they're all written by young women. I couldn't find a blog encouraging old, fat women to accept themselves. If there are any out there, I'd like to know about them. At the moment, though, I believe I'm unique, maybe even a trendsetter.

Because that's what I'm trying to do with this latest incarnation of my blog: learn to accept myself the way I am - old and fat - and not to see either of these qualities as a failing or drawback. I'd like to believe that I can be beautiful and attractive even at this age and size.

A thought on my previous entry (Cosplay): I could dress up as Ursula, the villainess in The Little Mermaid. I read recently that the character was based on Divine, the old drag queen who was in the original version of Hairspray.

Meanwhile, I am trying to move to a new city. I've been trying halfheartedly for over a year, but have been thwarted by the amount of clutter in my house. Last Christmas we rented a storage locker and the kids and I have moved some of the clutter there. A lot of it came from my mother's house, and I'm not ready to part with it.

I decided over the weekend that I've had enough. The house is going to have to go on the market as it is. The realtors who have looked at it haven't been thrilled by it - it's a small, 100+-year-old house that needs a new kitchen. But it's got hardwood floors, central air conditioning, a wide staircase and a good-sized bathroom, and it's in a good neighborhood in the bad city where I live. Also, I want to sell it cheaply, as long as I make more selling it than I paid for it.

How do I get pre-approved for a mortgage when I already have one? I don't plan to hold them both at the same time, but for some reason, the fact that I currently carry a mortgage doesn't make me eligible to get a new one.

Every day I want to do some small thing to make the house ready to sell. Yesterday I lugged the vacuum cleaner into the cellar and vacuumed up spider webs until the vacuum cleaner bag was full. I also threw out or recycled a bunch of old boxes that I was saving for no reason - just a habit, learned at my mother's knee, never to throw anything out if it might be useful later on.

I want either a small house or a condo in a residential area, close to public transportation and shops and restaurants. I want more space than I currently have (or at least more storage space). I want a dishwasher. I haven't had a working dishwasher in over 20 years. I'm sick of doing them by hand. I want natural gas heat and I'd love central air conditioning. I need two off-street parking spaces (my younger son lives with me). If it's a condo, the association needs to allow both of our cats. And I don't want to pay a lot. I don't ask much, do I?